Quite a clichéd one you would say, though happens with most of us and been discussed and deliberated upon umpteen times, career or motherhood? How do we prioritize? Should we leave one for the other, knowing very well we nurtured our career just like our baby? Evaluated every steps, have put our best foot forward every time, been extra cautious, done the right thing for a greater professional satisfaction. The problem remains the same but there’s no one stop solution. In the tug of war between mommy hood and a thriving career, I went through an emotional roller coaster ride recently. Inspite of numerous discussions, debates, arguments with friends, family, well wishers and counseling from people whom I bank on during the rainy days, my mind said, “Go conquer the world” but my heart whispered, “I need you mommy.”
A true bindaas, with taking the world in my stride type attitude, I always considered my profession to be the first priority in life. Hence, couldn’t react at the first instance when the Lab confirmed, “Congratulations! Yes, it is positive. You are going to be a mum soon.” I was about to leave for an assignment to a different country in the next few days. Official formalities were in the process. Meetings, presentations, long hours at work, unearthly hour calls had already built up the excitement. I was quite looking forward to the ‘official foreign travel’ and bang come the news. Folks, friends and most importantly my better half were elated, selfish it may sound but I was still in a state of shock. None from the family agreed to the fact that I would be away from home during the first trimester, considered to be the most crucial period of a pregnancy. Hence, with a heavy heart I gave up the opportunity that I was eagerly waiting for.
Things moved on. A would be working mom’s worries were doubling up. With every passing day I’d try to read up, watched talk shows, spoke with experienced working moms, colleagues at work, friends (who are my life-line) and even at the dinner table, balancing work and life (read baby!) turned out to be my favourite topic of discussion. Even though I would smartly shush people who have this uncanny power to bring the would be working moms morale down, I knew for sure once the baby arrives life would not be the same again. Subconsciously too the same thoughts were making the rounds. Would I be able to spend enough time at work? Meanwhile, I also started my kind of preparation to welcome our bundle of joy.
The princess arrived and brought good luck along, literally. I was promoted to the next level the day my little one was barely 10 days old. My conviction to succeed professionally grew stronger. I was waiting to resume work post the maternity break and was quite kicked about the new roles and responsibilities that came with the promotion.
I was nearing the fag end of the big fat break and was gearing up to go to work. As luck would have it here comes one more news thundering. My better half has been asked to relocate to another country for a long term assignment. Phew! There I go! I hated the fact that I would have to quit the job to accompany him but neither of us were ready to stay away from the brand new doll in our life. More so, she was barely five months old. People around suggested if I am that serious about working I could put her in a daycare. I was not at all confident of travelling with her to a new country, in a totally new environment, with hardly any known soul around and with almost no help at hand. Daycare for the little one was the last thing in my mind. It was time for a big change and I knew I didn’t have too many choices. My dream of going back to work took a backseat.
It’s almost a year now. By the time you are going through this piece I would be celebrating one year of home away from home, a year of dream retreat with the little one, a year of undiluted family time. In the past one year I too have grown up as a mom, learnt to address a problem smartly, can fix issues more tactfully, well equipped to tackle any obstacle. Though my urge to get back to work never seems to cease, the last one year has been the most prized possession for me. In addition to all the time I spent with my daughter, I also enjoyed the most amazing vacation, seen places that were in my wish
list for quite some time. Polished my culinary skills, it’s also a great opportunity to catch up with some long forgotten hobbies. The most satisfying part of course remains to be that I’d taken care of my daughter entirely on my own and didn’t depend on anyone ensuring I escape the guilt trip.
Till date I long to get back to full time work and I know that will happen sooner. One thing I know for sure is that when I actually resume work now I am more confident personally and professionally, as the roller coaster experience of a life time helped me evolve as a person in these few months. The assurance that I can succeed in any situation is enough to keep me going.
Submitted by amritabchoudhury on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 03:14