The average human feels a varied number of sensations, which are termed as feelings, which actually do not correspond to the five usual senses. They feel joy, anger, sadness, jealousy, hatred, guilt, pain, love, and even detachment. Among all these I feel that guilt is one which over rides all the feelings. May be it is the mother in me speaking. Most moms ride the guilt train quite often, and they admitted to it. Guilt of any kind in which they are either depriving their kids or the house or even their work. It could be said they have a distinct knack of feeling guilty over most rudimentary things. They are also guilt magnets, and can be the first to go in a total frenzy about "oh my god what did I do". I really can not speak about men, in this aspect, as I suppose they feel guilty a lot lot less in reagards to day to day matters.
Guilt is a two sided sword. It cuts to cause pain and even strives to make you achieve. It hurts making you feel the most lowly creature at one time, and then wakes you up and makes you run for the things not done. What a paradox this guilt can be. It is really something to ponder upon, don't you think so. Well I had been noticing one major aspect of the emotion named guilt, that is, it hugely influences the kind called "mothers". As I said before, the ones working from home or out, always corrodes themselves with the acid of guilt. I am speaking of the majority, not all, they think they are balancing home and work, but look into their heart, am sure you will see the acid at work.
This unique feeling makes them do more than they can, they are like magic makers, mornings all smiles for their kids who she sees off for the day, day time she is still smiling at work, and back home in the evening she has the grin pasted till bedtime. Do you really think she is smiling as because she is happy, or she wants all around her to be happy? If you do ask her, most of the time her answer will be the second one, as she feels guilty if she does not keep her family happy. Strange, isn't it? I think the female, is sort of programed in their genes to accommodate, to adjust, and to be a part of the whole. I definitely can be wrong and many will differ with me in this aspect, but I do have many good female friends, and many female relatives, who made me analyse and put this into perspective.
My feelings are entirely my views and so please no offence to any woman who has a different view. I feel as woman change their titles from a daughter and sister to a wife and mother, she goes trough many changes. Some physical and most of them chemical. I used these scientific words as because the physical changes are apparent, which all can see, but the chemical ones are invisible to the eye. They are the most drastic and the most strong. They can actually change the total personality of that female. She acquires a divine strength, and a unique capability to become any thing form a savior to a monster. The second sounds pretty scary right? But, for sure she can change her avatar from "Durga" to "Kali" in seconds flat.
When she has to manage all these responsibilities, which she takes very seriously, she taxes herself beyond limits. I think, then is when she keeps guilt as her companion. The moment she is not able to do one of the things on her list she is hugging "guilty". For her all her things and wishes takes a back seat, and some times into the trunk, pushed back some where in the dark corner, that she may even forget it is there. Most moms are like a beacon for their kids, but I feel we moms should try our best to keep guilt at bay. It sometimes does more damage than good. It makes us so morose that we portray that through our senses. Kids are very receptive to their mother's feeling, so the less guilty we feel the better we can be with them. Guilt is good to an extent, but letting it rule our lives, no way. If the mothers are happy then the family is, as they are the core of the family.
Ladies lets take a vow, to tell guilt to mind its own business, and strive to do our best for family and friends alike. So the guilt train would be less traveled, and not much too be heard off.
Picture courtesy : Google
Submitted by Anumita Chatter... on Sun, 06/03/2012 - 08:08
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Very well written. Agree,
Very well written. Agree, agree, agree!
:)
Thank you..:)
Anumita Chatterjee Roy (Moon)
Good one!
I think Indian women are more prone to this. W carry so much extra baggage all our lives that we forget that we are individuals ourselves too. The topic has much relevance today. Well written Anumita.
Maitreyee
:)
You are absolutely right, and do have tend to push our priorities way beyond our own sight.
Anumita Chatterjee Roy (Moon)
Thanks Anumita for this
Thanks Anumita for this article. When the first time I stepped out of India I realized how meaningless my guilt is being rebellion all the time. In most of the western world my behavior is most natural and sometimes characterized as being docile! I get inspired and changed my thinking over time but the double standard male dominated society make some strong imprints in my heart/head which I may never make myself free off.
Thanks again for the good article.
:)
Thanks for reading it, and am happy could make you feel comfortable..:)
Anumita Chatterjee Roy (Moon)
A matter of concern !
This topic is really a matter of concern for us.Right from our childhood to teenage and then marriage,there after children...we have always felt guilty in some way or the other throughout our lives.In many a case,women are not able to showcase their talents just because of this negative feeling.You have written it very well !
Mithu Dutta Sen.
An excellent write up...In my
An excellent write up...In my case I always saw my mum and aunts working and grew up feeling very proud that I have a working mother. I never felt for a minute that I was neglected by my mum and I never wanted my mother sitting at home. I preferred the quality time than the quantity time and from my childhood I never imagined that I will ever be sitting at home. I had never given up my job, studies or music even after my child was born. I live alone with my son and managed everything and never wanted to have this feeling of guilt. I had to sacrifice other things like movies, TV and most importantly living with my husband, however, I am happy that I did not give up the stuff that I wanted to do and also my son was always with me.
Very true
Guilt in the mother's mind affects her baby as well as the whole family. Being a mother of a 1.5 yr old and in a high stress job, I have been through this. Also when you are successfully balancing everything, some of the people surrounding you (friends and neighbors and colleagues make sure they question every aspect to enforce guilt feeling if its not already there). However, I have seen that being happy and comfortable about the quality time and care that I can provide my child is the best calming feeling ever. I do not have to compare myself with all other supermoms out there. Also babies are the ones who least judge their mommies so why bother about anyone else.
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