Been married for some time now, I wanted to know the different views all hold about this institution. In today’s supersonic world the system of marriage and its value has taken a new meaning. For the good or bad, I really cannot say, as one who lives it knows it the best. During my visit to India, I asked few ladies their views about marriage.
One of them was a 60 year old lady named Rina Chatterjee, who incidentally is my mother. My mother grew up with convent education and in a most modern atmosphere in Pune. She was married to a very conservative family living in the off skirts of Kolkata city. My Dad was a person ahead of his time; in spite of the differences they both developed a healthy family. My talk with Ma on the subject of marriage seemed to be a cliché, but every time I hear her speak, she seemed to be telling me something new. Have look at her views.
On the next instance, I chatted up a younger lady named Poulomi Bhattacharya, who had a love marriage and has a daughter of 3 years. Yes, ladies she is glowing because she is expecting again. Surprising enough, her take on the institution of marriage was not really very different from my mother’s. The only thing different was the way she handles it. Her husband is in the navy and so she is the head of the house for 6months straight. With no male member in the household, she runs the whole show. Her innocent face and her sweet appearance cannot measure her immense inner strength. Kudos to Poulomi, women like her can weather any storm in any relationship. Look at the video and I think you would agree with me.
Finally, I got a woman from a different stratum of life. Our maid named Bina. She is well known to us, and her family history is an open book. The biggest shock to me was, when she lied on camera. She covered up all the misdoing of her husband. Bina married by her own, and her husband is a petty thief. She will never word it, but it comes out in her day to day rambling. He has secretly married someone else in a registered from, making her illegal, yet she calls herself his wife. Her blatant lies, made me wonder if she really loves her so-called husband so much. As this conversation is in Bengali, I have attached a translation to my questions and answers. I apologies for the darkness of the video, as she did not agree to do the shoot out doors.
Me: Bina what is your full name?
Bina: Bina Andel.
Me: Bina are you married?
Me: When did you get married, how long are you married?
Bina: 13 years
Me: Did you marry on your own or did your parents get you married?
Bina: I married on my own.
Me: Where did you get married?
Bina: At Kalighat (the temple of Kalighat performs marriages where parents permission is not necessary)
Me: Why did you marry?
Bina: (smile and babbles)
Me: Did you fall in love and then marry?
Me: Did anyone object on your marriage?
Me: Who are there in your family?
Bina: My older brothers and their wives.
Me: What about your parents?
Bina: Don’t have them.
Me: So did not have problem getting married?
Me: Are you happy in your marriage?
Bina: Yes (to quick answer)
Me: Does your husband live with you?
Me: Are you telling the truth?
Me: How many kids do you have?
Bina: One son and one daughter.
Me: How old are they?
Bina: The daughter is 12 years and the son is 6years old.
Me: Do send them to school?
Me: Will you let them finish their education or will you get your daughter married early?
Bina: No no will let them both study.
Me: You work in household of different individuals, for what?
Bina: For the family and my kids.
Me: Now if your husband tells you to leave this work of yours to keep the marriage, would you do so?
Me: How long are you working?
Bina: Guess 25 years
Me: Tell, if time could take you back, and allow you to have what you have now without getting married, would that been better?
Bina: No this is better.
Me: Do your kids listen to you and who takes care of them when you are working in the evening?
Bina: They do, and my brothers are there to take care.
Me: Does your husband stay with you?
Bina: Yes, (am smiling as I know it otherwise)
Me: Bina tell me what does marriage mean to you?
Bina: (smiles away with no concrete answer while I coax her)
Me: The friends of yours who did not marry are they less happy?
Bina: For me marriage is happiness.
Me: So marriage is just have a family to you?
Me: So if now you husband goes away to someone else will there be any difference being married or not?
Bina: No there will be no difference ( I sense her growing discomfort)
Me: So ultimately your husband being with you is the most important?
With this I wrap up it up.
Women from different walks of life, and of different ages still have one thing in common, on the subject of marriage, they expect to find happiness when the companionship is true. There are other aspects of marriage which could not be covered in this article. There is yet much to be said and heard on this subject.